R U E

There are many different anxiety disorders. I never wanted to believe I suffered with anxiety because I didn't want to feel alienated.

Generalized anxiety disorder. This is excessive, unrealistic worry and tension, even if there's little or nothing to provoke the anxiety.

I've always been a stress case, I'm constantly worried about money and the future and things that haven't even happened yet. I'm an emotional wreck and have breakdowns about things that regular people can cope with just fine. I can't shut it off but its beginning to interfere with my life to a point where people don't understand why or how I can live like this. 

I wouldn't say I have social anxiety. I've never had problems making or keeping friends but it's coming to a point where people are now starting to make comments about how I just need to calm down and breathe. That may be easy for someone without anxiety but I always have something picking at my brain telling me I'm not ever going to be anything in life and that no one's going to be able to accept this part of me.

It's hard to explain to people in my life why I am the way I am. They don't understand that anxiety is a mental illness and is extremely difficult to overcome. Yes, I could be taking anti depressants or seeing a therapist but I don't want to be pill popping for the rest of my life nor do I want to tell my problems to a stranger. 

I guess that's why I sat down to write this.

If something upsets me or I fight with a loved one I get panic attacks to the point where I get physically ill. I start to feel dizzy and nauseous but I can't sit down. I haven't figured out a way to control this yet. I will spend hours in tears with constant negative thoughts in my head and it's gotten so bad that people at my job have begun to take notice.

I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm going to have a heart attack by the time I'm thirty. I wish people would realize what they're saying isn't helping. I know they don't understand but the comments I'm told on a day to day basis make me feel worse about myself and feed the anxiety issues I already have.

Last night, I was getting cut down by people I thought liked me. I truly don't think they understood that what they were saying was hurting me. You can tell me to stop stressing all you want and that you can't handle it.

I know it may not be easy to love someone with anxiety but I just want people to understand that we can't change it. Anxiety is a plague.

I want people who don't understand it to read up on it and try to accept and help the people you love who may suffer with an anxiety disorder whether it be social or generalized.

Don't put them down.

Sorry for the negative post you guys. I had to write it because I don't think people realize how truly crippling it is.

♥

Bri